Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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