Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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