He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
