i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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