i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
