Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
