i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
