Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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