Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I did not marry a roomba.
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