My hand turned me down
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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