do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
