i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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