So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
