white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
