I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
