puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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