Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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