i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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