I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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