I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
