So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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