Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
