I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
