Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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