I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
