So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
