I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
