I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We have started to decorate penises.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
