the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
