he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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