Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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