I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
