matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
