My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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