if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Randomize
