Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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