I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The feeling are messing with the penis
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
