i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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