and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
