I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
