I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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