i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
