Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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