it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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