it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
