he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
