Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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