I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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