I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
