can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sarcasm needs its own font
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
